Dearly beloved we are gathered here today in celebration of the life of Joey Cardona, not the death. Although he is gone, he is not dead. The only thing that is gone is his body, not his presence, nor his voice or memories you may have had with him. He may not be here, but his legacy is.

To his Parents, he leaves his body, his dreams, his philosophies, and his morals; anything immaterial that they never cherished before.

To his Sister, he leaves one sole artifact: his tapes, for throughout his tapes he has lived the life she was never around to witness.

To his Friend Rumana, he leaves every drawing he ever made, and any computer appliance he ever owned. He leaves his pillows to her as well as his pictures.

To his Friend Tony, he leaves all of his Nintendo appliances, his keyboard, and his clothes.

To his Friend Lyn, he leaves all of his books, his pottery, and any other electrical appliance he has owned.

To his Friend Jennifer S., he leaves his paranormal paraphernalia and his candles, incense and the lantern atop the rabbit fur.

To his Friend Jesse, he leaves all of his toys, including action figures and legoes.

To his Friend Ariel, he leaves his movie Crestfallen & Scarlet and any literature he ever wrote.

To Patrice, he leaves his video camera 1 and Two, the cameras that have recorded everything thus far, and will continue to record after the user has perished. Also, he leaves his blankets for her to curl up in only a month after the funeral and burial processions.

To everyone else, he leaves.

He wishes to be dressed in Blue Velvet in his coffin, which will be open casket (if the remains are appropriate). During the procession he asks that each of the above persons mentioned, and anyone else who wishes, place a blue rose petal in his coffin and that the song Crawl by This Way is played whilst the placing occurs. Afterwards, he would like his body to be cremated, but turned into a blue diamond by using the recently discovered carbon altering technology. This sapphirical stone shall be placed on a ring and worn by anyone on his or her index finger, but the ring must forever be worn.