And I weighed myself, which I shouldn't have. And now I'm even moreso disappointed in myself.

I used to be so good at losing and maintaining weight, but I think i've gained at least 20 pounds.

This is mostly the origin of my defeat. My old enemy obesity is coming back to reclaim me. And theres nothing more in the world I want than for that not to happen. And I'll do anything it takes for that.

I miss my elated feelings, how once when I was in Borders I got so dizzy from standing up. I miss getting dizzy. I miss being able to refuse food.

Fifteen years of my life, trapped in the cage of obesity. No more.

Don't sabotage my efforts.

And its really simple too. Its so easy to say no. And just walk away. And its nothing I've not done before.

I can do it.

-Joey-