It was a painful night especially for one of us. Maybe not so much for the rest.

At about 10:15 I left and went to the bus stop. No one was there, nobody was out, and it was pretty quiet. So I sang to myself, House of the Rising Sun by Dylan.

And then I realized something, yet again. I've been real bitter and corrupt lately. I've been especially mean not only to many people, but to myself. I've treated myself horribly and not just in the past week. In the past year. I'm real sore now. And I guess kind of sorry as well.

I believe I told myself I don't regret what's happened, I think I've had a change of heart. I do wish I'd never started. And I miss so much to do somethign without guilt and then have to hit myself for it.

I guess the first steps admitting it.