Honestly, I feel about fourty years older than I should be. Reminds me of the time I was in Philadelphia. I was around people above the age of fourty all the time and I really did feel comfortable. Maybe my mind surpasses my body.

I sometimes feel very old. Its hard having people bear hug me now. My ribs hurt easily. My mom bruised me the other day by hugging me. But be proud of me. I've been eating recently.

Remembering the sudden depression I went into during winter break earlier this year, I anticipate the arrival of school. I thrive off of people. I need people to survive. And although I hate school, I need to hear voices.

I grew up without a lot of things that most kids need. My childhood was a very silent one. And I've gotten so accustomed to the silence. Too accustomed. Just recently I've discovered music. And voices.

That is one of my weaknesses. I am too needy. I anticipate too much. I expect too much. I need to be paid attention to. I need to be noticed. I need to care about how others think about me.

Its everything I've always tried to stay away from but have gruesomely turned into.

But how far is the line between being conceited and caring a little bit much. I fear I have already crossed the line.

The way I see it, a lot of things are spiraling downwards right now. More things than I've liked to admit. I try to ignore it. And I know somewhere these things will come to an end. Somewhere soon. But I just wear a smile, knowing what the outcome is. I know the tree is falling, right on top of me, but I look up at it and smile.

Corruption. I am being corrupted. I am being infected. I am wasting away. And I need aid. But I would rather spit on myself than rely on anyone. Relying goes nowhere. I've always had to help myself up rather than rely on some knight in shining armour to come rescue me. The knight never comes.

But at least I know whats going to happen. I just need to stay strong.

Find me rather emotionless.